OHHHH, she was talking about that. The whole working mom business. I just politely smiled and said "well it's not easy, but I certainly feel more accomplished than if I would have stayed home all day in my pj's."
I know, not a very nice thing to retort with, but honestly, I was caught off guard by her question. Now that I've had time to think about it, three weeks later, I know what my response would be...No, I don't feel like any worse of a mother than a SAHM who loses her patience with her kids. We're all human- tired or not- there's only so many times you can hear "can I watch TV?" or "i'm hungry, i'm thirsty, i'm this, i'm that" or in my case "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED". And 18 month olds can't communicate any better at 9 am than they can at 3 pm when I pick my daughter up from school. So no, I don't feel like a bad mom (and I don't think I ever really have questioned my parenting abilities), I feel pretty proud of myself when I realize that by 7 pm, I have been up since 5 am, went to work, taught 90 students (which is pretty much parenting high schoolers- or kindergarteners, depends on the day), worked out (once again that's only been 3 times this MONTH- I'm no Jillian Michaels) or run errands, picked my kids up from school, cooked dinner, cleaned the house, done laundry and baths and have one of the two kids in bed. When Patrick is out of town and I do this by myself, I feel like flippin' Superwoman.
Working makes me efficient, organized and I think, it makes me a better mom. Work makes me realize that there's more to me than JUST my kids- don't get me wrong- my kids are my entire life, but I have my own life too. I feel like if I stayed home, I would struggle with remembering that I'm more than a mom. Work allows me to still be me- not just Mommy to Addison and JP. I've also learned a lot about how to manage my time, how to let things go and what really matters. So dear friend of mine, no, I don't feel like a bad mom because I work; I feel like a better mom because I work.
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great post :) and i could totally see how working gives you that sense of accomplishment. i can't tell you HOW MANY DAYS GO BY (day in and day out of M asking me "so what did you do all day?") and it feeling like I DID NOTHING. Got NOTHING accomplished. Sure, I spent an hour cleaning up or tidying the house..maybe did some laundry.. might have done SOME work on the computer.. but by the time M gets home? The house is trashed again. There's a load of laundry that still needs to get done. And? it's GLARING at me in the face. I can't help it. By the end of the day, I am spent. I am done. And sometimes? I think that working outside of the home would give me BACK that sense of "purpose" of "accomplishment" that many days, I feel like is missing... Maybe even a little extra motivation. Who knows.. Maybe this is just a phase. Regardless.. great post :)
The days I work I am so much more organized and my time is better managed....because it has to be. If I don't have my act together then everything is thrown off - so I definitely know what you mean!
Thanks friend! I completely understand how you feel about the house being trashed, even after you picked it up 5 minutes ago. Literally, Hurricane Addie destroys the house on her way in the door- I think all moms understand that! And some times, my laundry sits in the dryer for a day before I decide to re-fluff it and fold it. Oh, and I've been known to hand wash dishes because I'm hoping my husband will unload the dishwasher when he gets home from out of town...so yes, the "working at the grown up job" allows me my sense of accomplishment! But seriously- my friends comment ranks up there with "Oh, so you don't work?"
I think you're a terrific Mom! Love you friend!!
I think that lady was very out of line. I managed my time SO much better when I worked. I don't like it when people say "staying home is the hardest job I've ever had" because it discounts what working mothers do, but personally I felt a lot more like myself when I was working. I'm also a terrible housekeeper, so being a SAHM a lot more is expected in that area. Not good. haha
can i get a "what what!" for this post! love it! as a teacher myself, i struggle with "giving more to my students than my own kids" because by the time i get home im spent! but you are right i should be proud that from 5am to bedtime im kicking butt! :)
A to the men sister! I agree on all points!
What a great post!! I know I have found myself struggling since going back to work after my Addison was born. Like I felt guilty for actually enjoying being at work. But it really does make me cherish the time I have with her. And if the laundry isn't folded or the dishes aren't washed, then that's just the way it is. Time with our little family is something we'll never get back! So thanks for posting this!!
I am with you!
I am a better mom when I work outside the house. I have more patience, I am more productive, and I can't wait to get home and spend quality time with my little ones. There is no watching tv in my house so when I am home, I am playing..hard.
Having work outside the home helps me, for sure!
I’m SO tired of this debate, and even more tired of rude questions like the one you got from that ignorant woman. Seriously, who says that? She’s implying that you’re somehow less of a mom because you work. That really boils my blood.
What if my child’s life is BETTER because his awesome nanny is in it? She is paid to give my child 100% undivided attention all day. Meaning, he’s not hugging on my pj pants whining that he’s bored while I’m perusing Twitter with one hand and flipping on cartoons with the other. Her job is to play with him and teach him all day, every day. And they love each other. And at the end of the day, he’s truly excited to see me, and vice versa. Our time together is always quality. I realize this isn’t the case for every family, but it is for mine. Every family’s different!
When someone asks me how I feel about being a working mom, though, I don’t say all this. I simply say, “I do what works for my family. We’re all happy and healthy, and that’s what matters.”
What I really mean is: I’LL WORRY ABOUT MY FAMILY, AND YOU WORRY ABOUT YOURS.
p.s. One time I read a post by a SAHM who wrote: “The other night, my husband came home to find me hiding in the bathroom with a glass of chardonnay and my laptop, perusing the want ads.” If only all SAHMs were as honest!
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