Lessons from Facebook

Every day I wake up and check my Facebook to see what all my "friends" have to say- and I use the term "friends" loosely because, let's be real here- who is really FRIENDS with everyone they are "friends" with on the FB? How did we live without the FB? Seriously? It's how I know who is engaged, who is dating whom, who got divorced, who has a baby, who hates their job...it eliminates me having to ask a lot of questions or even calling people. So, every day, without fail, there is always some status or picture that makes me question the mental state or intelligence level of the person who posted it. So, I have compiled a list of things you should refrain from posting on the FB:
*I would like to point out that these are legit things that have been on my FB feed*


1. Do not threaten to "kick a b****** a**". Stay classy please. Especially if you are pushing 30 and you're threatening this...also, if I am related to you and you are posting this, please stop. It's embarrassing.


2. Do not post semi-nude, or "sexy" self portraits of yourself if you are old enough to be Justin Beibers mother. You know what I am talking about- those girls that do the kissy, seductive looks into their mirrors and snap the picture with their phone. Once again, you're almost 30, please stop. Also, high schoolers- those photos do not make you look cute...they make you look skanky, so you also should stop.


3. If you are currently dating someone who is not your "baby daddy", do not post a picture that says "any man can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a daddy" with a picture of your kid. Especially if you have two kids from two different people and you aren't even 21 yet. Don't brag about it. Just don't.


4. If you are out of college, do not post pictures of your partying escapades- it just makes me feel sorry for you...because you're over 30 and going to bars/hitting on random girls that were in middle school when you graduated from college.


5. Also, do not post misspelled political statements. It does not make you look intelligent when you're complaining about the state of our country and you misspell "contry". 


6. If you have a friend who posts a political rant, don't go picking a fight by commenting about how dumb they are or how misinformed they are or anything like that. You should just understand that people don't always agree with you and move on because picking a "Facebook fight" over politics makes you look dumb. 


7. If I post a political rant or statement and you don't agree with me, why on earth do you think that commenting about how dumb or misinformed you believe me to be will change my mind? Especially if you are in high school or I used to be your teacher- I've seen your grades, you aren't smarter than me.


8. Please refrain from inviting me to "farm your town" or whatever it is. Not interested. (that means you Mom).


9. Do not keep re-posting old pictures just to get people to respond or feel sorry for you. We already saw your wrecked car or sick puppy once- we don't need a reminder


10. Do not facebook an entire football game or TV show- this isn't twitter, it's facebook. 


11. If I'm related to you, don't think these rules don't apply. The only reason I haven't de-friended some people on the FB is because I AM related to them and it would cause WWIII. (this does not include you Mom, I love our FB chats, and the fact that you have my password and regularly sign on as "me" to facebook stalk people)


12. Remember that once it's on the internet, it's on there forever. Can't be removed, so be smart when posting! 


13. I will not be your friend if you are in high school- please stop asking me to friend you. We aren't friends.


When in doubt, keep it classy internet :)